What is a Sacred Passage Doula?
Welcome, my name is Michelle and I am part of a revolutionary movement to change not only the way that we think about death, but more importantly the way that we choose to die.
One of the biggest concerns about dying is knowing with certainty that your end-of-life decisions are carried out even if you are incapacitated.
Whether you have been diagnosed with a terminal disease or are curious about the prospect of planning your own death, I can help you envision and plan the death that will ultimately change how you live. It is an illuminating, challenging, and courageous journey. I would be honored to be your guide.
If you are interested in taking the next step, let’s have a conversation.
Please feel welcome to use any of the blue Schedule A Free Call buttons on this site to reserve a 30-minute introductory call with me.
"The cradle of your love of life is death."
My Mission
My mission is to guide you or a loved one through a process of creating a vision for your end-of-life journey.
Together we will design a vision map that delineates this journey through the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and practical domains of your life. This will create a clear and sacred path for your last days on Earth. Through deep conversation, visualization and meditation, we will explore the milestones of your courageous journey that includes how you envision your physical surroundings, who you want to accompany you, how you wish to be comforted and cared for, how you want to be remembered and the legacy that you wish to leave.
We will make sure that the documentation that you need to assure that your wishes are carried out is completed and secured in a safe place. We will plan the final 3-day vigil that will usher you into the death portal peacefully and courageously. And finally, we will explore arrangements for how your body will be honored after death and how your memory will be celebrated by those who love and cherish you.
The 4 Stages of Dying
Earth Stage
The earth stage can start as long as 10 years before death. Mother Earth undergoes a cycle of life and death each year through the seasons. Fall demonstrates the qualities of the earth stage of dying. There can be an exuberant burst of energy and color like the brilliance of the aspens as they turn from green to orange, red and glittering gold. This may initiate a desire to fulfill a bucket list of hopes, desires and dreams. It could be going on an exotic trip to the Caribbean, re-connecting with high school friends, healing old wounds by asking for forgiveness, or daring to finally express how you feel to someone you love. There is a great deal of potential for healing and forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness during this stage. Because this burst of energy can occur when the earth stage is already underway, there can be some disappointment if a dwindling decline accompanies these efforts.
As the earth stage progresses and the dying process has begun, there is a general decrease in energy, desire and motivation. One may spend much more time alone, become reclusive, or start to lose interest in things that were once engaging. Failing health or the onset of a serious disease may occur. There can be a gradual or sudden decrease in hearing or sight. Memory can decline slowly or rapidly, including important people, names, places and dates.
This is a good time to begin legacy projects, including writing notes to loved ones, creating personal recorded messages, or organizing pictures into scrapbooks. It is also a wonderful time to give away belongings that have special significance or meaning. It is important time to make sure that all legal documents are in order and after-death plans are finalized.
Water Stage
The water stage can last from 2 years to 2 weeks, depending on the cause of death. It is a time when there is a loss of independence, a disinterest or fear of doing anything new, a feeling of being dis-connected from the earth, an unsteadiness that can lead to falls, and a generalized desire to withdraw and stop engaging with family and friends. This is an important time for the physical domain to be set up in a comforting and reassuring way, complete with soft colors and fabrics, snuggly pajamas, soft blankets, soothing music, and animals that remain close and watchful.
Most importantly, it is a time of deep reflection when old wounds resurface from the subconscious in order to be healed and released. The role of the sacred passage doula is to listen deeply and create the sacred space for withheld secrets and fears to be voiced. The water stage allows grief, regrets and shame to be washed away through the experience and grace of self-forgiveness and the forgiveness of others. Our tears are a precious part of being human and there is such sweet release when we let them flow. Renewal always follows like the smell of the earth after a cleansing rain shower. A wound needs a witness in order to be healed. The sacred passage doula is a powerful witness.
Fire Stage
The fire stage is a time of intense emotional release in order to burn away all that is not needed to take into the final act of dying. It is reminiscent of its parallel in the birthing process when a woman in labor enters “transition” and is dilated about 8 cm. It is common for her to feel very intense emotions, state that she is done with the whole birthing process, often blame her partner for putting her in this predicament and demands to go home! This prepares the laboring mother to release all that she is holding onto in order to completely surrender to releasing her baby from the safety of her womb into the unknown world waiting for her little defenseless one.
The fire stage in dying can be equally dramatic and accomplishes the same purpose. All the sadness, fear and regrets that were brought to light in the water stage must be burned away in order to enable the soul’s release from the body. All that is not needed for the journey must be burned away. This transition can be very sudden and extremely disruptive for the dying person and/or anyone present. It is a good time to temporarily remove children or anyone who may be overly restimulated from the room. The dying person can become very agitated and need to move abruptly. Vision becomes peripheral and the best way to interact with them is to stand at the foot of the bed. At the same time the third eye begins to open and clairvoyant episodes may follow. Tunnel vision develops with a keen focus on the divine transition coming into view. It is important to stay calmly present and try not to disrupt the process, perhaps reassuring any family members present that their loved one is safe and that letting this stage run its course will be a wise choice. Thankfully, this stage is typically short lived and leaves renewal in its transformational path.
Air Stage
The final stage of dying, the air stage, is one that is filled with light and expansion. The dying moves in and out of consciousness as the death portal opens. Breathing may become very labored and erratic, the eyes may roll back and the mouth may fall open. Ancestors and loved ones appear to reassure and comfort the dying. At times this happens when the person is conscious and it is good to acknowledge the presence of these beings with honor and respect. As we know that hearing is the last sense to go, it is important to talk to the dying person, encouraging and cheering them on. This is a great time to remember the wishes of the dying that were previously expressed. Incense may be burned, sacred oils rubbed gently on the dying person’s hands and feet, soft music played. Attendees may be encouraged to meditate, visualize, and pray.
When the body starts to shut down in these final stages of dying, the process of shutting down is not painful. If a disease has given the soul the opportunity to leave, that disease may cause pain that can be alleviated with pain medications (administered by the palliative care team). As the death portal opens and the spirit moves in and out of the portal and consciousness, there is a natural decrease in the sensation of pain. Caretakers are able to tell if the dying person is in pain by observing their body movements and/or facial expressions. An extremely dry mouth can be alleviated by gently swabbing the lips and inside of the mouth with a moistened Q-tip. Tiny ice chips can also be placed in the mouth when the person is conscious.
This is the time of the 3-day vigil, when a team has previously been organized by the family and the sacred passage doula so that the dying person is never left to die alone. It is a very sacred and critical time to honor the death wishes as requested by the dying. For those who are able to tune into the energies, there is an incredible expansion of consciousness and love. It is an opportunity to experience and share the ecstatic experience of entering the death portal with your loved one. This is the culmination of communion with the divine and everyone in tune with the will of the dying person is welcomed. It is also the sacred duty of the sacred passage doula to honor those who are deeply grieving and are experiencing numbing loss. It is important to honor the experiences of all that are present.
About Me
I would be honored to help you or a loved one prepare for your own conscious death.
I was born in Rockville Centre, Long Island, NY with the gift of sight. I could see the unseen, feel others’ emotions and know their thoughts and intentions. Unfortunately, a teacher did not accompany this gift and I spent the better part of my first thirty years stumbling through life confused and lonely. I didn’t know that others could not see what I saw. I was heartbroken when people that I recognized on a soul level did not recognize me, was constantly disappointed by the lack of empathy and compassion in the world and deeply disillusioned that the inherent goodness that I saw in people was not what they chose to be. I did not consider myself special. In fact, I felt like an outsider, unable to connect in a meaningful way. As a hippie in the ‘70s, I found fellow travelers who were also searching for the same things that I was, but we couldn’t seem to find the answers to the questions that burned in our hearts.
I got pregnant at 22 and had two babies before turning 25. I was in a loveless marriage and knew that I did not want to raise my children on Long Island. In 1975 I held my babies close to me as we boarded a plane for Manitou Springs, CO. At that time Manitou was a predominantly hippie community with a large number of single moms and we pooled our resources and helped each other raise our children. In 1978, many of us went back to school and I returned as a biology major, which soon evolved into pre-med. I was only six credits short of my degree when I got very ill and had to withdraw from classes. In 1980, I put all my belongings on the back of a stranger’s pickup and moved with my little boys to Santa Barbara, CA because I had visited there once and felt deeply connected to the highly spiritual little city snuggled between the Santa Ynez Mountains and the Pacific Ocean.
Then miraculously, the ‘80s ushered in the New Age Movement. It was an amazing time to be in Santa Barbara and suddenly there were many, many others who sought to reclaim their gifts. We read everything we could find, went to psychics, astrologers and tarot readers, attended lectures and workshops, searched for signs of ET’s and became psychics and healers ourselves. Yet still, I felt like there was something very vital that was missing. I found that answer in the ‘90s as I explored the depths of my emotional body. I sat in hundreds of circles, and realized that the gift of listening with my heart correlated deeply with the sight that I was born with. I received a Certificate of Completion for a 2-year training program as an Emotional Body Coach, and began the long and formidable journey of healing my own emotional wounds, as well as those of my ancestors. I taught others how to heal.
In the 2000’s, I started taking classes which explored NDE’s (Near Death Experiences) and SDE’s (Shared Death Experiences). I listened to many fascinating stories from people who died and returned or even more unbelievably, travelled with loved ones for a part of their journey into the afterlife. It was there that I heard the words that quelled any lingering fears about death. No one dies alone. There is always an Angel at the foot of the bed.
I would be honored to help you or a loved one prepare for your own conscious death. I have earned Certificates of Completion from the Conscious Dying Collective and I am an End-of-Life Coach and a Sacred Passage Doula. Dying is not the end or a punishment. It is the beginning of the next amazing journey home and it is possible to experience death as an ecstatic transformation. How we die matters. We have the ability and innate knowledge to enter the afterlife with consciousness and grace. Most importantly, our bodies know intuitively how to die. It is our soul’s purpose to remember who we are and that our bodies have the wisdom and grace to enable us to transition according to our soul’s plan. We die with the help of Angels.
With love,
Michelle L’Ecuyer
8/23/2024